Category Archives: Political Pants

Trudeau: His Pants Were Just Clowning Around

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Missing receipts? Clerical errors? We think not!

Justin guilty of illegitimate claims? Nope…

Bad pants? Absolutely.

According to our sources Justin Trudeau was never to blame for any of the claims errors and neither was his staff. An anonymous tip from a local dry cleaner came in this week. Apparently It was his pinstripe clown pants he wore as Pyjamas during his last riding that were playing tricks on him.

In an effort to prevent any further riding during this stressful time in any politicians life, Justin simply wore a “less snug” pair of slacks around the hotel room and lounge areas.

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The effectiveness of these pants did the trick. His theories about rest and relaxation in a time of need were absolutely correct. The pitfall? The pants, unfortunately for Trudeau, were playing a joke of their own. Needless to say, he should have known.

Pens, hotel key cards and of course bills and receipts he placed in his pockets disappeared and reappeared in the oddest places. The anonymous drycleaner believed it was credit to the ghostly spirit that still occupied his 1950’s vintage clown Pyjama bottoms. The pants even had the power to amalgamate charges and play tricks with his staff, computer systems and e-mail.

When one of our field investigators suggested to contact The Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, to see if she could communicate with the pants. We found that the red and whites had fled the scene and as per usual, not a single person was available for comment from either the Trudeau or Caputo Camp.

On a side note. The editor has personally requested to point out that both Justin Trudeau and Theresa Caputo, given their hair type and proper make-up, would make great clowns.

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…If ever the whole MP or Psychic Medium thing doesn’t work out, our editor is hiring for his daughters 11th birthday!

Best of luck with the revenue service and the spirit world you two!

Bloc Québécois: Who Will Replace Professor Poopy Pants?

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The Bloc has a new seat to fill in their party with the resignation of MP Daniel Paillé who has apparently left for health reasons. Professor, we are sorry to see you leave and wish you all the best in health.

So far 2 Bloc MP’s have showed interest in filling his seat with their own brand of politics. We and Captain Underpants are standing by for further word on how this scenario will end up playing out.

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 -Hotzstories

Justin Trudeau’s Hand me Down Pierre Cardin Slim Wool Dress Pant

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According to our speculative and anonymous sources, Justin has had his hand me down Pierre Cardin pants re-sized in the inseam. He did not need the extra room although for years he insisted he could grow as a politician in Canada. The roomier crotch region belonged to his late and great father and like any good Canadian boy, he always left room for improvement and kept his spirits high. Unfortunately his rear still sags like a toddlers loaded diaper but many of us still hold out for the eventual expansion of support to his base.

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We have also heard rumors of Justin having the pockets lined in beaver pelt, a truly Canadian addition. After all which MP doesn’t want fine Canadian beaver hip-side at all times?

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According to an unnamed shoe salesperson at footlocker, Justin keeps buying size 12 basketball shoes. When the sales clerk insisted that his foot only measured 10 inches he replied by saying he was used to wearing bigger shoes than prescribed. Nobody knows for sure why but the story does seem to make sense at a glance.

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In any case we’d like to wish the MP all the best!

-HotzStories

Maria Mourani’s Reversible Straight Leg Pinstripe From Banana Republic

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Thank you! There has never been a better fit for Marias’ personality and political cache than the sneak preview of the 2014 line of reversible pinstripe straight leg executive cut that she has been wearing as of late as a Banana Republic exclusive.

The 2014 line of straight leg from the Republic is proud to announce their newest innovation of invisible spinal support that gives even the loosest lumbar a straight and narrow profile.

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According to our anonymous sources, Maria has never been happier or more well adjusted. When we contacted her chiropractor for comment he declined to go on record about the integrity of her skeletal structure.

In any case, we are excited about her new pants and we hope she wears them well in 2014!

– Hotz Stories

Pauline Maroi’s Chanel Pants Suit ND29 Custom

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Quebec Premiere Pauline Marois can often be caught sporting a smart and classy Chanel pants suit but rarely photographed in her full attire. Mainly the podium gets in the way of the shot.

When the Chanel Custom Shoppe was asked if they would comment on the special construction of her suit they declined any knowledge of the existence of the garment.

According to anonymous sources, the pants suit has been completely made of a jet black ND29 Fabric specially made by Apex Mills for Pauline and the automotive industry alike. This automotive and military grade weave is of the highest of quality knits available for legal purchase in the North American market and believe me, it suits her.

chanel pants suitPants suits are smart and sharp. Speaking of sharpness, this garment is entirely stab proof and is projectile resistant unless the assailant is armed with silver tipped bullets… Nothing can be done about that.

Chanel looks great on Pauline in elevators as well as in assembly or wherever the lobbyists choose to hang out that day. She can be camera ready and classy in 30 seconds flat with her custom spec. Chanel pants suit.

It is rumored to have reinforced Kevlar cuffs for “l’hiver de chez nous!” and an ample neckline to display a tasteful cross pendant for when at home or around like minded people.

We still have not received any information on her shoe selection. However we have heard through the grapevine that she shares the exact same dress size with the less popular Hermann Goering… That is neither here nor there.

If you have any information regarding any of Paulines’ more recent pants we would be happy to hear from you.

-Hotz Stories

Amir Khadir’s Classic Fit Trap Dress Pant by HUGO BOSS

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According to unnamed sources who wish to remain anonymous, Amir Khadir acquired these pants at a 70% premium on retail. He received them as a spontaneous gift while travelling privately in Ontario. No sources were available to confirm whether or not this is true. The province of Ontario declined to comment.

These classic Hugos’ are nothing but a most obvious attempt to impress and to attract attention from lobbyists on his walks through the assembly… Any hotel or establishment for that matter that has a lobby. Mr. Khadir was unavailable to go on record about his pants or to comment on his alleged love of any public lobby but undoubtedly has some good taste in “waist to legwear”.

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We are still unable to retrieve any council or any speculation on the origins or status of his belt but we have heard unconfirmed rumors that he has a small to medium sized collection of Cole Haans (without lifts) and always in black.

It is also rumored that it was these exact pants in the image above he was wearing in his living room when he was informed about his daughters troubles with the law. We are sorry to hear about such events and we do not take interest in political family affairs. Mainly pants… or shorts if you got em’.

-Hotz Stories